So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
