Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
