how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm both gender and math confused
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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