Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
should my penis look like a turkey
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
