In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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