You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
