I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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