I think I won the penis lottery.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
