I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
