I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
