note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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