Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
