My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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