oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
