i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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