Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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