I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
