I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
