You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
