You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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