i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
