Duck Duck Cougar?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
