"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
