I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
