you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
