You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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