Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
