ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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