I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
