every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
do nipples grow back?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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