Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
