I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
