The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The uberlube is also flammable
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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