Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
