Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
