Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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