I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he thought i was a dude.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
