My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
