I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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