and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
