there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
