My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
