I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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