Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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