maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
