i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
