he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
