She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
