I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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