ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
this hospital has no fireball
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
