okay pat passed out under dana's car
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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