So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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