redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
