so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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