i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
