So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
